David is a pot dealer in need of a fake family to use as a cover story in order to smuggle drugs from Mexico into the U.S. He is in major debt with his supplier and is desperate for the money to pay him back. He hires a stripper to be his fake wife, a runaway as his pretend daughter, and a goofy counterfeit son. Antics and madcap adventure ensue as this faux-family attempts to cross the border with the loot.

The gallant young D'Artagnan comes to Paris to join the famed Musketeers and thinks he's found them-- except these three buffoons are cooks who have stolen the drunken Musketeers' clothing! Now, the four are on a madcap mission to save the queen's honor, rescue a lovely lady and defeat a dastardly villain-- all before the next meal needs to be prepared.